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| On blast |
It's maybe not altogether surprising to see how vastly my relationships with people have changed since I left New York and moved here to make the cheese and hug the goats. For one thing, about 80% of the people I felt like I couldn't go a day without seeing or talking to, who made up the fabric of my day to day life, have all but disappeared from it. Outta sight outta mind I guess. It sort of makes me question the depth and significance of these friendships and while I try to be circumspect about it, it definitely bums me out and lends further credence to my suspicion that my last year or two in New York passed in a haze of alcohol, bad decisions and superficial relationships, both romantic and platonic.
It's been equally surprising to see how people who heretofore treated me like a dummy or ignored me all together now all of a sudden have some sort of weird respect for what I'm doing and treat me like an actual human, like now that I'm doing something they deem authentic or cool I'm somehow more of a "real" person. To members of this group I would like to offer a sincere and heartfelt fuck you. You are turds and you are destined for a life of misery.Not to be a dick or anything.
There is another group of people who, well-meaning though they may be, keep thinking that this new life change is some whimsical experiment I'm embarking on before I get back to my "real" life or land a "real" job. No, this is not an apprenticeship. And no, just because you work in a cubicle and have a 401K and I literally shoveled shit for two hours yesterday and actually like getting up in the morning to do what I do does not make your job any more "real" than mine. Here's some fucking news -- what's happening right now in this moment? THIS IS REAL LIFE. And I feel bad for those of you who truly believe that being a responsible grown up is synonymous with having the life sucked out of you on the daily by a "real" job that makes you hate yourself. I'm not being sarcastic.
What I am trying to say is that even though I routinely act and look ridiculous, I am finally coming to realize something: I am a serious person. I am silly and self-deprecating nearly all of my waking hours but I am dead goddamned serious about my life and my choices and my struggles and my path. It's taken considerable risk and hard work to get to this point, and who the fuck knows? Maybe in a month I'll decide to pack it in and go join the goddamned circus. That's my right. But it all feels as real and important to me as your mortgage and stocks and, like, prenatal vitamins feel to you. So think about that the next time you feel like commenting on my charming little life.
End rant.
shit. i just left the longest comment and i don't think it posted. absolute shit! it was a good one. I'll check back later to see if it actually posted... UGH. if not, i'm rewriting it. will be hard to replicate....
ReplyDeleteGreat. Well that one posted. So here is my attempt to recreate my original thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI think X-ing people out of your life that suddenly take an interest in what you are doing is a bit cynical, but that is your right. I too saw that you were moving to VT (i'm from new hampshire -- GO NEW ENGLAND!!) and had lots of questions and thought it was bold and interesting. But, I've also followed and enjoyed your writing for a really long time, I just never thought you would not be interested in my opinion. (this recreation is truly terrible) UGH - anyway, i moved from NYC to Australia in 2012 after 14 long years of NYC and i had no idea that saying goodbye to the city meant saying goodbye to many long-term friendships. I feel you on that one. I was pretty pissed at first too! Angry... gnarly..... irritated.... i just, i feel you. i sincerely hope you do not wish for me to fuck off just because it appears I haven't ever taken an interest in what you are doing. I have sincere respect for you and never really understood why our paths didn't cross in NYC. so, i hesitate to post because you said you do not like the sudden interest, but we have something in common. We left that city, and shared some sentiments (based on your goodbye new york article that i absolutely loved and directly related to). you don't seem interested in opinions right now so i won't give anymore. though i doubt goat farming and cheese-making equate to a "charming little life" (i know that shit is not easy to shovel and winters are for shoveling even MORE shit), i still think you are a terribly interesting person and i always have. even before you got to new york. i'm just sorry i didn't tell you earlier. Forever Strange, Adrienne